You may have noticed the girl at the bottom right corner of this site. That's Higuchi Madoka from Idolm@ster Shiny Colors. She is simultaneously my wife and literally me.

I don't quite remember when it was exactly that I fell into the series, however, I do remember it was back when Line was still a thing; hence a long time ago. She was also the reason that I picked up Japanese. I grinded anki and grammar books until I can comfortably play the game (and even got N3 on the side). All for her. Which is why, I believe this dates our encounter to around 2018 or 2019. Seeing as Shiny Colors is on its 8th anniversary by the time of this post, this tracks because I recall a lot of vtubers also played through her scenario back then when she first released. Seeing as Idolm@ster just made an English twitter account, and in fear of being accused as a tourist and/or secondary, I figured this is the perfect opportunity to replay her scenarios and write some stuff on her character and elaborate on what I meant by her being my wife and literally me.

It is easy to mistake Higuchi Madoka as a cold and aloof character. As examplified by the image above where her and Producer were walking down a shopping district and saw an idol event. She scoffed at it and said it is as she expected: "Idol is an easy job. As long as you smile, everything will go okay." She added that she's not talking down on it, and even thanking the fact because due to it even she can become one. When the Producer said that it's not that easy to just smile, she disagreed and can only see the idol smile as a business move. A superficial one.

From here, we can see the core of her characterization. Higuchi Madoka is the foil to Mayuzumi Fuyuko. Whereas Fuyuko takes on the persona of Fuyu and shows exactly what her fans wanted, hiding her true more abrasive personality from the public and only showing it to the Producer and her friends (this is moe); Higuchi Madoka believes in the opposite. Her fans will love her for who she is and abhor the thought of putting on a mask for show.

In another scene, early on in her career, a fan of hers approached and asked if she could take a picture with her. Madoka immediately snapped into idol mode and accepted the request with an idol smile. However, literally as soon as the fan left, her true thoughts come out. She does not understand what it is people expect from her. She only accepted the request for a handshake and selfie together because it seemed like something she should do. As an idol. From here, we can already gleam at her disdain of the fake celebrity culture and despise having to meet the false expectations of others.

After passing an audition, Madoka would complain about the air in the waiting room. Describing how the girls there were nervous and already crying after the audition even though the results aren't out yet. What shook her the most was seeing the same girl from the shopping district earlier crying. From this scene, we can see that her preconception about how easy being an idol was is already being shattered. She understood first hand how hard it is to train for auditions, and then to get it all ripped away by a single mistake during audition... perhaps I am projecting a bit too much here, but I believe she feels indignation at the system.

It is important to note that her desire to be authentic is not rooted on any deeper philosophical stance (yet). As evidenced by the dialogue above, what motivates her more than anything is the fear of disappointing. Others, and most importantly, herself. She does not want to become the prototypical idol because the label carries expectations and duties to fulfill. Things that she may not ever achieve. The Producer then follows her up by saying that no matter what happens and how roughs it gets, he will always be there to back her up and make sure her wishes come true. Madoka then tells the producer not to say that to anyone else (moe).

After that scene and passing the next audition, Madoka would blame the Producer for how hard she is working (moe). She even starts to secretly practice on her own outside of schedule, even getting embarassed when Producer finds out (moe).

This is the end of the original W.I.N.G. scenario. I think from here you can see why I love her as a character. She is loyal to a fault, even throwing herself to a world she doesn't understand just to be with her friends. She is quick to judge (and quicker to temper), but can immediately see the fault in her line of thoughts and silently rectify them-- Even feeling a bit embarassed about it. She is genuine and empathetic, which connects to her loyalty. She hates the idea of meeting expectations and being expected of, yet she understood that to do things half-heartedly is an insult to the people who genuinely do things earnestly (like the shopping district idol).

To drive that final point further, I would like to bring up a scene from the G.R.A.D. scenario. The scenario sets up another idol that is planning to retire after giving this G.R.A.D. audition one last try, saying that no matter how hard she tries, she can never win it. All while laughing and smiling. Later on, she made a self-deprecating joke on live TV about how she's a useless idol (in a joking manner of course). The studio laughed because it does sounds a bit absurd and comes out of left field, however, Madoka knew that this is her genuine thought. Her reaction to the joke was this:

She even goes as far as saying no one should laugh at the joke. She affirms that the self-deprecating idol is fine the way she is and there is nothing wrong with that. Of course, this caused quite a stir and she start getting flamed online. The idol even confronted her later in private asking if Madoka has been pitying her all along. This is important to her character, because her genuine passion does sometimes border on condescension. On a later scene, she acknowledged that she was out of line. She understood that her path as an idol was relatively light, citing that she was blessed (perhaps by talent, perhaps by an excellent support system with her friends and Producer). She regretted saying it-- pitying her-- and wished she would've just kept silent and laughed along. Producer immediately shuts her down, using her own idea on her. She was not wrong. She is fine the way she is and people's struggles can't be compared apple to apple.

There are plenty more interesting character moments from her (and moe moments too), but I think I've written enough to convey my love for her. She is a sweet character and empathetic who does not know how to convery said feelings effectively, making her end up looking cold and distant. She hates being expected of, and hates even more hard work being taken lightly. Her sense of value is that of respect and dignity. To half-heart her idol job, even if she does not truly understand it (by her own words), would be a grave insult to those who do take it seriously to chase their dreams.

And in some way, at risk of glazing myself, I see myself in her. She is my wife and literally me.